okay, here I go...
*I'm feeling really restless about where we live. I love it here but I'm ready to explore new lands. I'd rather not feel restless though, and be content in how blessed we are to live in a nice, kind-hearted place. There's something in me that's ready to explore... so it's a balance of living in the moment and being content, and wanting to take off.
*I totally lost my temper with one of my kids this week. I shouted at him like a crazy monster. Granted, he was being super horrible in his behavior towards a sibling, but still, I don't want to be that crazy yelling mom... sometimes I'm afraid of what my kids will remember.
*I know every woman deals with this to a certain extent, but there are parts of my body that I despise. If I let my shallow brain make decisions, I would seriously start saving money to get liposuction on my hips. While people around the world are starving to death. Yeah, shallow. I really need to work on having a positive image of myself... self-love... especially for my daughter's sake. (ps- what the heck is up with the skinny jean trend? i even bought some. i'm cool with wearing them with a top that covers my butt, but otherwise they make me look like i gained at least 10 pounds, and um, that's not really the look i'm going for right now...)
*I have this really bad tendency to shun the "in crowd." I don't want to be associated with a certain group of women, for fear that I'll turn into the exclusive person who appears to be leaving people out. I would absolutely hate to make someone feel alone and not included. So I don't allow myself to be in any specific group or clique. And then I let my feelings get hurt when I'm not included in things. So I'm a loner who wants/needs community. Welcome to my brain... so confusing. And yet, I still find the most satisfaction in being on the loner side of the spectrum... I tend to lose myself and my own wishes for life when I listen too carefully to what other people want. I like freedom for my soul/personality/creativity, so I guess the trade-off is loneliness sometimes.
So those are some of the thoughts running through my goddess head this week. It feels good to spill them here. Happy weekend!
2 comments:
Oh ditto to #1. Sigh.......
I must confess that I am a horrible mother sometimes and I put my needs before my kids'. I yelled at Daniel and so regret it. I confess that I wanted to be single and rich on Wednesday so I could go shopping alone and stop by a coffee shop and get a latte without having 2 kids in the car with me dragging on my legs or fighting with each other. I also really really want lots of money so I could buy lots of clothes. The end.
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